No Name High
by Sasuke Uzumaki 83
Summary: Welcome to 528,710, where the kids are retarded and nothing makes sense. Looking for some crack-tastic fun with Naruto, Sasuke, Ivan and the gang? Well, you've found the right place! Drop on into No Name High. Come on, we don't bite... much. NaruSasu YAOI CRACK-FIC COMPLETE
1. Make Out Kids

NO NAME HIGH: Chapter 1

Summary: A crazy school. Crazy kids. Windowless, polka dot when raining, stripped when cold, and tan when sunny. A super-crazy school. This is their story. Welcome to 528,710. **NaruSasu**

Warnings: Yaoi (BoyxBoy), OOC-ness, cussing, sexual behavior/hints, crazy people, insanity, radioactive cats, trees (And lots of them!), probably abuse, and a crazy school. There will probably be mentions of people having sex (Actually, that should be in there. Definitely.) You may commit suicide after all of the mental insanity and abuse. If this causes death, you may want to contact your doctor because this story might not be right for you.

Disclaimer: I do not own Pita-Ten, Naruto, any of their characters, or the characters Water, Ivan, Izak, or Mia.

**A/N:** This is a crazy school, and some pretty freaking crazy kids. This is their story. Anyone that's read my other fanfictions, it's the same school as the others. Any new comers…

…Good luck…

**Make Out Kids**

* * *

The bell rang. Not a single kid late.

Why be late?

This was No Name High, people. It's not like school. It's more like…

…a school playground on steroids!

Okay, not really.

"HEY! EVERYBODY! THIS SCHOOL IS LIKE A SCHOOL PLAYGROUND ON STEROIDS!" Max yelled out excitedly.

Well, at least _someone_ agrees with me! XC

"I don't agree with you, you're just a sucky narrator." Max whined.

Fine, be that way. Hey, you're not supposed to hear me!

"Oh well." Max said.

…Right….

_Anyways,_ Max, the bone head he is-

"HEY!" Max complained.

"Why are you talking to yourself again?" Ivan asked.

"I'm not- what?" Max asked, me erasing all memories he had of talking to me. "I don't know what I was doing."

So… anyways, Max, the bonehead he is-

"ACHOO! ACHOO! Wooh, someone must be talking bad about me." Max said.

Would he shut up for once?

Max had red hair, a scar across his left eye trailing in a zigzag pattern down his face, across the bridge of his nose to his right cheek. He would always wear a red shirt, blue jeans, and you can **never** forget his belt.

His belt is brown.

Just for your information.

Max also just happened to be one of the oldest in his class. Actually, he was. If you didn't count Water's actual age. He was 26, older than his teacher, Kakashi, who just happened to be 24.

Ivan, on the other hand, is an OC. Wait… Max and Ivan are both OCs. Anyways, he had blonde hair, big, round, jade green eyes. He wore a green hoodie, a green scarf around his neck, blue jeans and sneakers.

Water, as mentioned, had navy blue hair, navy blue eyes, and was 21. About. She also wore a navy blue dress. Too much navy blue. Blech. XC

"So, Max, how was _your_ weekend?" Izak asked him, nudging him with his elbow. "Did you get any good fish?" Izak had brown hair which spiked out on the sides, flattened on his head as if by a school falling on his head (Some say he was dropped on his head as a baby), he had brown eyes, was wearing a lavender long-sleeved shirt, blue jeans, and sneakers. Who wore the school uniform?

"_No,_ I made sure he didn't mess with anyone." Sasuke said.

_Besides_ Sasuke. Sasuke, you should all know him, unless you're one of those Pita-Ten fans. Stupid cross-overs. Anyways, I guess I'll have to introduce him. He had a beautiful pale face (Hey, I think he's pretty), big obsidian eyes, raven hair that perfectly framed his face, contrasting with his face, his hair stuck up in the back like a duck's ass. He wore a school uniform.

A school _girl's_ uniform.

Anyone disturbed by this will have this one chance to leave the theater.

No refunds.

The school girl uniform consisted of a blue jacket (One of the dressy-ones), a white dress shirt, a very, _very_ short red-brown-yellow plaid tie (Mostly red), a short, _short_ red-brown-yellow plaid skirt (Mostly red, der brains), (Hey it's No Name High, the most perverted school I know. And I made it! Along with my little sisters…) white socks with a single, thin red stripe near the top, which goes to about right above the knee, and those black dress shoes.

"Aww, why?" Izak asked, looking at Sasuke.

"Because, raping people is mean." Sasuke said, wagging a pointing hand in front of Izak's face.

"Why?" Izak asked.

"Because it is. It breaches people's personal-spa-"

"Is this because Max raped you last week?" Mia asked, cutting Sasuke off.

Mia had light-blue hair, light-blue eyes, and she was wearing a light-blue Lolita dress, light-blue tights, and light-blue dress shoes. My little sister's characters need more colours. Why is it always blue?

"No. Raping is bad either way." Sasuke said, huffing out an angered breath. The three idiots gave him a knowing look. "Only partly."

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Max said, balancing on the balls of his feet, rocking back and forth slowly. Sasuke placed a hand on Max's chest, putting pressure on it, pushing his hand forward and sending Max crashing to the ground.

"HEY!" Max yelled up to Sasuke. "This is a nice view." Max concluded. Sasuke stomped on Max's face, keeping his shoe in place.

"I don't deserve this." Max said into the sole of Sasuke's shoe.

"Then stop looking up my skirt, pervert." Sasuke said, applying more pressure on his shoe, pushing most of his weight on Max's face.

"But your panties are so cute!" Max whined into Sasuke's shoe. "It's getting hard to breathe!" Max yelled, but it was muffled by the shoe on his face, that and no one cares about Max.

"You should of thought of that earlier." Sasuke said, practically standing on Max's face at this point.

"Sasuke, what the hell are you doing to Max?" Naruto asked, walking over to them.

I guess I'll have to introduce Naruto also. Naruto had tan skin, whiskers on his face (three on each cheek), yellow hair (It's not blonde, it's yellow, if you think about it.), and the bluest eyes anyone has ever seen. He was wearing his usual, an orange-and-blue jumpsuit, the collar being white and fuzzy.

Naruto walked up behind Sasuke and wrapped his arms around Sasuke's waist. Standing on Max's face (Not to mention what heels the shoes had.) brought Sasuke to about Naruto's height. Sasuke turned his head over his shoulder to allow Naruto access to his lips. Naruto kissed him, which was not odd (At this point) to the other kids. These two had been dating for a while now.

"So, remind me why you're stepping on Max's face?" Naruto asked Sasuke, looking down at the half-suffocated Max.

"Two reasons." Sasuke started. "First off, he-"

"-Raped him last week." Mia finished for him.

"Yes." Sasuke said, only slightly annoyed that he wasn't getting a chance to talk. "And, the second reason is because he-"

"-Was looking at Sasuke's panties again." Izak finished for Sasuke.

"Why don't **I** ever get to talk?" Sasuke whined, but was quieted by a mouth on his own.

"You guys are _so_ gross." Kotarou said (Sorry if I misspelled his name).

Ah, the annoying one. Kotarou had purple hair, yellow eyes, and for some reason my little sister decided to make him wear a robe around. Don't ask me. He's hiding something. But what is it?

Nobody cares.

Nobody cares about Kotarou.

Just like Water.

And Max.

And Izak.

And _maybe_ Mia.

Then again, no one ever remembers Mia.

After all, she _is_ Mia.

"What are they doing?" Ivan asked, walking over to the group. By this time, Naruto and Sasuke were just standing, Max was also up and he was rubbing his face and making a frowny face. "Why do you have the pattern of the sole of a shoe on your face?" Ivan asked, looking over to Sasuke in question. Sasuke just giggled.

"I may or may not have stepped on his face…" Sasuke said. "And stood on it, for that matter." Sasuke added under his breath.

"…Right." Ivan said, not amused.

"It was funny, Ivan! You should've seen it!" Izak said, bursting out into laughter, Mia joining him shortly.

"Wait…" Mia said, they both stopped laughing, the siblings looking at each other.

"What are we laughing about?" They asked each other. Ivan sighed, allowing his shoulders to sag.

"You guys are helpless." Ivan said, shaking his head.

"Tell us something we _don't_ know." Sasuke said to Ivan.

"What do you know?" Youske asked.

Youske is an OC of mine. His name is too close to Sasuke, though. XC He has black spiky hair and black eyes. That's all I know. I don't even know what he looks like. But who cares? He's barely in here. He's not that big of a highlight at No Name. But some people are.

"They know that they're hopeless." Kotarou said to Youske.

"Oh. I included _you_ in that statement, _Kotarou._" Ivan said.

"Ooooohhhhh…." The group 'Oh-ed' at the same time.

"Pwned!" Max said, laughing.

"I pwned your mom." Izak said.

"My mom is… where is she?" Max asked himself. "I think I've always only had a dad." The group looked at him.

"How is that physically possible? Unless your mother deceased." Ivan said, going into a very scientific, very _detailed_ description of the structure of an atom (Which was _not_ related to this in any way).

"Hold it, HOLD IT!" Max yelled at him, Ivan stopping in mid-sentence and giving Max a 'How-dare-you' glare. "I hope you know the only two words I understood in all of that were penis, vagina, and cookies." Max said, feeling proud that at least he knew 'two' of the words.

"Max, first off, I didn't say cookies, or any of those disgusting words." Ivan said.

"And, second, that was _three_ words." Sasuke put emphasis on the 'three'.

"It was?" Max asked. "Oh, crap. I failed math."

"How do you even fail math in this school? We don't even take any classes! We never DO anything!" Koboshi yelled at Max.

Koboshi was blonde, had kitty ears (This isn't an OC, this is from Pita-Ten), she wore a red boy on each ear, and she had on a school girl uniform, but _not _the No Name High uniform. Stupid people, you guys just all wear the same thing for once! Her school uniform consisted of a white long-sleeved shirt, the regular school girl collar (Red stripe and mostly white), she had a red bow where the bows usually are, a red skirt, ruffle skirt underneath, black socks that went to a little below the knee, and those brown dress shoes. Look up the people for once.

It's called Google.

"I do something in this school!" Max complained to Koboshi.

"What could _you_ possibly do in _this_ school?" Koboshi asked, waiting for an answer.

But Sasuke didn't want his answer.

"Max, if you say what I think you're going to say-"

"I do Sasuke." Max stated.

Typical of Max.

"Max, I'm going to kill you!" Sasuke said, and then pointed a finger at Max. "Go beat him up for me, Naruto." Sasuke commanded Naruto.

"Okay." Naruto said, approaching Max.

"Oh no!" Max pleaded Naruto. "SASUKE! MAKE HIM STOP!" Max cried, backing up into a corner.

"WHEN THE HELL DID THIS CORNER GET HERE?" Max asked.

"Just now." Ivan said, a content look on his face. "Show no mercy, Naruto."

"You all are crazy." Kotarou said, walking off.

"Oh, won't you leave Max alone?" Youske asked, watching the others pull lawn chairs out of their pockets and popcorn began to fall on the floor as they stuffed their faces with it.

"GO NARUTO!" Ten-chan cheered, bits of chewed popcorn spilling from his full mouth.

Ten-chan was blonde (Too many blondes. I should kill one off. :D No, JK. I'm not going to.), I don't know what colour eyes he has, if you know please tell me! I don't know his and Koboshi's eye colours! His full first name is Takashi, if you wanted to know. He wears a school uniform. And, since he's from Pita-ten and my little sister didn't put him in a No Name High uniform, I have to describe him.

Look him up.

It's called Google.

Search 'Ten-chan Pita-Ten'. You'll find him.

Ivan smirked, watching the show, but Sasuke just looked out the window.

Did I fail to mention that it's a windowless school?

"Oh, it's raining again." Sasuke said, sitting in a desk that isn't really there, resting his arm on the window sill of a window that isn't there either, watching the shit and piss fall from the sky.

"The retarded dragons are migrating yet again." Ivan concluded.

How could you _not_ love this school?

* * *

**A/N:** So, how do you like the new story? Great, huh?

Love it?

Hate it?

Wanna commit suicide after reading it?

GREAT! Keep reading, No Name High is still standing. And as this school still stands, they will still go to it.

Besides the fact that it's not even up yet.

Did I fail to mention that they live in 528,710? Yeah, great, huh?


	2. Hysteria

NO NAME HIGH: Chapter 2

Summary: A crazy school. Crazy kids. Windowless, polka dot when raining, stripped when cold, and tan when sunny. A super-crazy school. This is their story. Welcome to 528,710. **NaruSasu**

Warnings: Yaoi (BoyxBoy), OOC-ness, cussing, sexual behavior/hints, crazy people, insanity, radioactive cats, trees (And lots of them!), probably abuse, and a crazy school. There will probably be mentions of people having sex (Actually, that should be in there. Definitely.) You may commit suicide after all of the mental insanity and abuse. If this causes death, you may want to contact your doctor because this story might not be right for you.

Disclaimer: I do not own Pita-Ten, Naruto, any of their characters, or the characters Water, Ivan, Izak, or Mia.

**A/N: **So, as the story goes…

..I don't know where I was going with that…

….

LISTEN TO MOTION CITY SOUNDTRACK! YOUTUBE THEM! YOU HAVE TO YOUTUBE THEM! I LOVE Justin Pierre! I MET HIM! XD I GOT TO HUG HIM! Anyways, the names of my chapters are Motion City Soundtrack songs! YOUTUBE!

**Hysteria**

The bell rang. Not a single kid late.

Why be late?

This is No Name High, people.

"My face hurts." Max said, bandages all on his face.

"Good, I thought I was the only one." Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"What?" Max asked.

"Your face is _killing_ me." Sasuke complained. Max huffed out an aggravated breath.

"Well, your face is… exciting a friend of mine." Max said.

"Leave Sasuke alone." Youske said, scolding Max.

"You know what?" Sasuke asked out of nowhere.

Or No Name.

Same difference.

"What?" The two asked, looking at Sasuke.

"Youske, your name is way too close to mine. Change it." Sasuke ordered.

"Wha-"

"You're now Borris." Sasuke stated.

"Why am I Borris?" Youske asked after a slight pause.

"Because. Youske, Sasuke, way to close." Sasuke said.

"At least your name isn't close too Ivan." Max said, both Max and Sasuke meeting gazes.

"…what?" Youske asked, a confused look crossing over his face.

"He would have _killed_ you!" Sasuke almost shrieked, and then regained his composure back. "Sorry about that."

"That's fine. What're we talking about?" Ivan said, butting into the conversation. The three met gazes (Is that even possible?), all knowing exactly what the others meant.

"Uh… nothing." Max said through his swollen lip.

"Nothing?" Ivan asked. "Why talk about a wolf?"

Somewhere, out there, very distantly…

…A wolf howled…

"Uh… he's very… uh… _pretty_…" Sasuke said, nervous as hell.

"Is nothing a girl or a guy?" Youske asked, just now thinking about it.

"Easy. Just lift up it's leg-"

"I'm walking away." Ivan said, cutting Naruto off.

"Okay." Max, Sasuke, and Youske said in unison.

"I mean…" Sasuke started.

"…if you want too…" Youske almost finished.

"…that is." Max said, finalizing it.

"…right." Ivan replied, walking away from the group, shaking his head. A single thought crossed his mind.

_They're way to crazy for me._

"Whew." Sasuke said, sighing as they watched Ivan walk away.

"That was close." Youske said.

"A bit _too_ close." Max said.

"I don't even remember what we were covering up." Sasuke said, and then shrugged. "Who cares?"

"I know I don't." Naruto said. "What were you guys doing?"

"Well," Max started excitedly, "we were talking and then… I don't remember." Max said, me erasing all memories of the earlier conversation.

Hey, I'm the author, I can do whatever it is that pleases me.

…Not like that…

"Doesn't make any difference to me." Naruto said, slightly shrugging.

"What doesn't?" Kotarou asked.

"Did someone hear the wind?" Max asked, looking out to the left.

"No. I heard Kotarou." Youske said.

"Who's Kotarou?" Sasuke asked.

"I AM." Kotarou said sternly.

"Oh. You. Ha, who cares about _you?_" Sasuke said.

"He's our friend." Youske said.

"No. We're _his_ friends. He isn't _our_ friend." Naruto said.

"Thanks, nice to know people care about me." Kotarou replied sarcastically.

"Kotarou, shut up." Sasuke said.

"_WHY?_" Kotarou whined.

"Because you're annoying." Naruto said, kissing Sasuke softly on the lips.

"And _you're _gross!" Kotarou said in disgust.

"I don't think they're gross." Mia said.

"Who cares about you?" Max asked.

"Who is it?" Sasuke asked, looking over at Mia. "Oh, yeah. You. I totally forgot you were here." Sasuke said, giving a small laugh after his statement. "I'm funny." He said.

"Of course you're funny." Naruto said, "Why wouldn't you be? It's not like you're some… ice prince with something shoved up his ass. You're not like that at all, are you, Sasuke?"

"No! Not at _all!_ Why would I be?" Sasuke asked.

…

…_anyways…_

"Depends." Max said flatly.

"On what?" Sasuke asked.

"What's shoved up his ass?" Max asked.

"Max, I'm going to kill you. Maybe we can make _**something else**_ hurt as much as your face?" Sasuke said.

"No thank you." Max said, breathing out a breath.

What else would he breathe out?

Cats?

How about radioactive cats?

A tree fell down on Max out of nowhere, Ivan walking up to them.

"Watch your mouth." Ivan scolded Max about his language.

"But I only know one language!" Max whined from under the massive oak tree.

"And what is that?" Ivan asked.

"Bad Japanese." Max stated. (In here, they live in Japan, so they all speak Japanese. Okay? Okay.)

"…right…" Ivan breathed out (So Max could have breathed out a word!), turning to his other classmates that meant anything in this world.

"What took you so long, Ivan? He cussed a while ago." Sasuke asked Ivan.

"I had to find the right tree." Ivan said.

"You and your telekinesis. So, why not make one fall on Naruto? Naruto said the same thing." Youske said, a tree crushing him in reply.

"Good to know that I'm not the _only_ one who hates him." Sasuke said, leaning back on Naruto, Naruto winding his arms around his waist.

"Oh, I hate him to." Naruto said, shrugging.

"Hm…" Sasuke said as Naruto kissed him. "…good to know." Sasuke said after the short kiss.

"You guys are _so_ gross." Kotarou said.

"What happened?" Ivan asked, turning away from the tree that Max was currently held hostage under.

"Nothing." Naruto said, both Sasuke and Naruto looking at each other's grinning faces.

"…right…" Ivan said, the trees coming off of Max and Youske.

"THANK YOU!" Max tried to yell, but he had the wind still knocked out of him.

"I think you're getting old." Sasuke said, walking over to him. Sasuke stomped on a rather… _sensitive_ part of Max.

"OW! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?" Max cried out in pain, hands protectively on his crotch. The tree came back and planted itself on Max.

"Use your vocal chords wisely." Sasuke said, shaking a finger in a scolding manner at the tree.

"I don't wanna." Max said, then added, "You should use your body wisely."

"Oh my god, Max." Ivan said, and then pointed at the tree. "Go sit on it, Izak."

"Okay!" Izak said, obeying the order. He sat on the tree, and the floor around him and the tree broke and fell.

Did I fail to mention that they're on the first floor?

…Yet they're on the 200th floor?

"Izak needs to exercise more." Sasuke concluded.

"He does, he rapes women. That's exercise enough." Ten-chan said to Sasuke, Ivan already being out of earshot.

"That's not exercise." Sasuke said, giving Ten-chan a look.

Oh, so he's one of _those._

No, just kidding.

"And that's mean. And it usually hurts after." Sasuke said, adding the last part subconsciously.

"You would know that." Max said.

"You're supposed to be down there." Sasuke said, pointing downwards.

"In Hell? You're ruder than I thought, Sasuke!" Max said.

"No, not in Hell. First off, how rude did you think I was? And, second, you don't think."

"Oh, right." Max said, nodding his head in remembrance.

"And, thirdly-"

"What's thirdly?" Max asked.

"Nothing." Sasuke said. "You fell down. You were under the tree? Izak sat on it?" Sasuke started to say, trying to jog Max's memory.

"Oh!" Max said, remembering the chain of events from earlier. "Okay."

Then he was gone.

"I still don't understand how he does that." Youske said, almost flabbergasted.

But no one noticed what was weird and unusual to Youske.

They were used it by now.

"How who does what?" Ivan asked, coming over again.

"Hey, we're going to the hotel soon, aren't we?" Sasuke asked Ivan for confirmation.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, we are." Ivan replied.

"YAY!" Everyone cheered.

"When?" Youske asked, dreading the answer.

"Why, tomorrow, of course."

**A/N:** BUM BUM BUUUUMMMMMM! What's going to happen at the hotel? And just _what_ are they going to do there?

What will the couple do…

…I have a few ideas…

…I hope you do too! X3 So, I'll try to update soon!

Love anyone who dares/has dared to read No Name High!

Don't you wish you went there along with the rest?

I sure as hell do!

Review and tell me, I'm curious!

…And we all know what happened to the cat when curiosity made its course 'round!

~Sasuke Uzumaki 83


	3. A Lifeless Ordinary 5Need A Little Help2

**NO NAME HIGH: Chapter 3**

**Summary:** A crazy school. Crazy kids. Windowless, polka dot when raining, stripped when cold, and tan when sunny. A super-crazy school. This is their story. Welcome to 528,710. **NaruSasu**

**Warnings:** Yaoi (BoyxBoy), OOC-ness, cussing, sexual behavior/hints, crazy people, insanity, radioactive cats, trees (And lots of them!), probably abuse, second personalities, telekinesis, telepathy, my mind XP, name switches, and a crazy school. There will probably be mentions of people having sex (Actually, that should be in there. Definitely.) You may commit suicide after all of the mental insanity and abuse. If this causes death, you may want to contact your doctor because this story might not be right for you. A world without weird people is like vanilla ice cream without sprinkles. All it is is this boring yellow-ish blob that melts all over your hands, then when you shake other people's hands they get all sticky and soon enough everyone's hands are sticky and then they'll be climbing all over the walls. So, unless you want to have a world of webs and Spidermans everywhere then you should embrace your weirdness, oh, I hate spiders!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Pita-Ten, Naruto, any of their characters, or the characters Water, Ivan, Izak, or Mia.

**A/N: **Well, here's another one! I'm just so busy and sick and busy and sick and karate and quizzes and binder checks and busy and sick and… busy and… sick…

…ANYWAYS! IMMA WIRTE YOU ALL A CHAPTAH! HOW ABOUT THAT? :P

_**Did any of you notice that my warnings get longer with ever chapter?**_

_**It's the randomness in them. READ THEM! I HAVE JOKES IN MY AUTHOR'S NOTE AT THE BOTTOM! READ THE CHAPTER FIRST!**_

**NARUSASU FOREVER BITCHES! :U**

**A Lifeless Ordinary**

* * *

"I CALL THIS BED!" Practically everyone in the good-sized room yelled out loud, leaping desperately for the beds in hopes of getting one before they were all gone. Well… it was a good sized room, for _**ONE PERSON! **_But _**TEN PEOPLE?**_ Well, that's just out of the question!

But they're used to it.

It _was_ the hotel, after all. They _always _shared a room with each other. Feel sorry for them, **FEEL SORRY DAMN IT! **In the end, few people had their own beds. As in two people. As in Ivan and Izak. Why Ivan? Well… he is a scary person when he doesn't get his way, and Izak? …you've been acquainted with his farts, correct? Well… would _you_ share a bed with someone with toxic farts that are as bad as his? I didn't think so.

Sasuke and Naruto shared a bed, Kotarou fought with Ten-chan for keeping his own bed (And Kotarou won), Mia slept… who knows where? No one knew where she was. Youske didn't even have a bed; he just slept in the hammock that he secured. At least they had learned from past mistakes. (The hammock usually fell under their weight; they weren't very secure at all.) The rest? Who cares, they slept on the floor or whatever. There were only four beds and a hammock. There _were _five beds, but the fifth one was made in 2012. Do you know what that means? It was old. It _**was **_**528,710. **Yup, that far into the future, peeps.

"So… I hope that the hotel has edible food this time." Sasuke said, rolling his eyes.

"I don't care as long as I get some time with you." Naruto said, and then added while glaring at Izak and Max, "_ALONE." _

"You never share." Max pouted.

"You're a MAXICAN Mac. Get it?" Koboshi asked Max.

"I get it! What am I supposed to get?" Max asked.

"You're from MAXICO." Izak said, flailing his arms weakly up in the air.

"You know what, just for something to be different, I'm switching around your names. Izak, you're now Max; Max, you're now Izak. Got it you two?" Ivan asked the two retards.

"Yup." They said in unison.

"Good, it begins now." Ivan said.

"LET US RAIN SOME DOOM DOWN UPON THE FILTHY HEADS OF OUR DOOMED ENIMIES!" Ten-chan exclaimed. Sasuke shot Ten-chan a look that said, 'shut-up-retard'. "Bleh." Ten-chan said in reply to Sasuke's look, sticking his tongue out for emphasis. Sasuke did the same.

"You all are so childish and annoying. You are all now officially UURISM's." Ivan told the group.

"Wha?" Max asked Ivan.

"Shut up, Izak. Don't question me." Ivan said.

"Well… what does UURIHSFGWED…..XZ stand for?" Naruto asked.

"It's UURISM. **NOT **UURIHS… whatever the rest you said." Ivan corrected Naruto.

"Well, what does it stand for nerd?" Sasuke asked Ivan, raising an eyebrow.

"Hey, don't call me nerd. If anyone in here is to be called a nerd, it's Naruto. As in Nerdato. You know what, Naruto, you're now Nerdato." Ivan said.

"No, I'm not. Unlike your…" Naruto gave a glance over in the direction of Max, Izak, and Mia, who were currently either using sock puppets and biting their heads off, picking their nose, or scratching their butts… "…puppets…" Naruto said, unable to find another word that perfectly described them, "…I'm not going to be renamed." Naruto concluded.

"Too bad, I already named you." Ivan told Naruto, who only frowned in response.

"So… what _does_ UURISM stand for, Ivan?" Everyone turned to face Youske.

"OH MAH GOD MONSTAH!" Max yelled, running around and somehow setting himself on fire.

"Is that my stalker?" Sasuke asked, looking over at Youske.

"No, it's Borris (**A/N: **In an earlier chapter, Sasuke said that Youske's name was 'too close to his own', so they compromised with renaming him Borris. Or, at least, Sasuke didn't even wait to get his approval.)." Naruto said, looking over at Sasuke.

"OH! BORRIS! HI BORRIS!" Sasuke said, hugging 'Borris'.

"I'm Youske, not Borris (**A/N: **Like I said, Sasuke didn't wait to get his approval.)." Youske said, the poor recipient of Sasuke's death-grip-of-a-hug.

"What are you talking about, Borris?" Sasuke asked, holding Youske at an arms length away from him, looking him up and down. "You _look_ like Borris." Sasuke said, confused.

"Maybe he's an intruder." Ivan said, snickering in amusement whenever Sasuke gasped and threw Youske out of the window with one of those sudden bursts of power he gets every so often.

"Was that _really _necessary?" Naruto asked Sasuke, hugging him from behind.

"Yes, it was _completely _necessary. What, do you_ want_ me to get raped by some intruder dude-like-thing that's posing as Borris?" Sasuke asked, looking over his shoulder at Naruto.

"No, not at all; I'll take your words for the necessity of throwing Borris out of the window." Naruto said.

"You guys are… so weird. I'm going to take the closet instead. Ten-chan, take your bed." Kotarou instructed Ten-chan as if he was some sort of dog.

"But why?" Ten-chan whined.

"Because I'll dissect you if you don't." And thus Kotarou successfully shut up everyone in the room. Well, besides Ivan. Ivan just chose to be quiet whenever he felt like it.

"Let's… _not _have anymore… _dissecting._" Sasuke said, his nervousness visible on his face.

"Yeah. Let's not cut… people-"

"Naruto, don't say it! DON'T SAY IT! I do _**not**_ want those images in my mind!" Sasuke exclaimed, cutting Naruto off and whining slightly.

"Okay." Naruto replied.

"You know what," Ivan said out of the blue (**A/N: **Why not red or green or purple or something? Why is it _always_ blue? **DON'T ANSWER THAT I ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER!**), "Izak, you bore me. Go jump into an airplane engine or something."

"Okay." Max said, hanging his head slightly. He jumped out of the closed window of their Hotel room, flying into the air and being chopped up into an airplane engine.

"I was just giving an example." Ivan said, shaking his head slightly at the stupidity of his UURISM.

"So… being back on track, what does UURISM stand for?" Sasuke asked.

"Ultimate Unreliable Retarded Idiot Space Monkey." Ivan replied, as if it was obvious.

"…I'm an unreliable retarded ultimate monkey space idiot?" Sasuke asked.

"No. You're actually an _ULTIMATE UNRELIABLE RETARDED IDIOT SPACE MONKEY._ Get it right." Ivan corrected Ivan.

"Are we all UURISM's?" Naruto asked.

"Yes." Ivan replied, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Heeeee~" Izak said. Most people would ask, 'Was that even English?' The answer, no it was not. It was actually the ancient language of the UURISM's, which date back to 123,456,789 BC. Their language was named something that cannot be said in any language, but must be performed in a dance and light show.\/ /\ (^0.0)^ /\ \/ ^(0.0)^/\/\/\\/\/\/\/ ^(0.0^) /\/\ ^(0.0)^ /\/\/\\/ ^(0.0^)\/\/\ (^0.0)^ /\/\ ^(0.0^) ^(0.0)^. But, in 4,008,976 BC, they renamed it so that it could be said in English, as to make it easier for the people in the future and so they didn't have to get off of their lazy asses to perform a dance and a light show. It was changed to 'Retard-ish', people speaking this tongue worship the lord of idiotism, their religion being retardism. **Basically, Izak does that when he thinks of Sasuke and some not so good and appropriate themes, so please, if you have a young child in the room, I suggest that you kill them so as to not rot their thoughts with the upcoming event, and it may even prevent death from insanity. That is all.**

"What is it _now,_ Max?" Ivan asked, turning towards Izak. "You know what… I don't even want to know. Get away from me." Ivan teleported out of the room.

"…he's gone?" Ten-chan asked.

"Yup." Max said.

"Where did you come from?" Sasuke said, startled, "You were just chopped up by an airplane engine!"

"I eat tofu." And the question of how Max had gotten there was solved. _**TOFU, IT BRINGS MAGIC HAPPY.**_

"…right." Sasuke said.

"You know what, I'm bored. And tired. I'm going to go jump into a car fire." Kotarou waltzed out of the window, a car crash and screaming soon being heard from the streets.

"Why does he always do that?" Naruto asked.

"I dunno. Who cares? He's gone now, and that's all that counts." Sasuke said, kissing Naruto softly.

"Heeeeee~" Izak said again. At this moment the yak (Being Izak) was sitting on the floor like a frog, but yet, like an ape, eating a banana. Or, to be more exact, a banana _peel. _Izak had peeled the banana, thrown away the actual edible part and was now consuming the peel.

"Whoa!" Youske yelled as he opened the door, immediately slipping on the banana inside that Izak had so carelessly thrown behind his shoulder.

"Borris is here! Borris, you would never believe what happened," Sasuke said, running over to Youske, "there was an intruder. And he was trying to be _you!_" Sasuke squealed. "Isn't that scary?"

"Yeah, sure…" Youske said, getting up slowly, for he was sore from being thrown out of the window by Sasuke.

"I know, right?" Sasuke said, putting a hand on his chest, then sighing dramatically, "But I threw him out the window. It will never happen again." Sasuke said, shaking his head slightly at the 'beauty' of the situation.

"…right." Youske said.

"I'm back." Kotarou said, walking over the threshold of the room. His robe was on fire, but everything else was preserved and not harmed in any way what-so-ever.

"What?" Youske said, looking over at Kotarou in disbelief.

"I think I'm Jesus. I didn't die after jumping into the car fire." Kotarou said, sighing. "Why can I never die?"

"I should be used to this by now." Youske mumbled, shaking his head and sighing.

"I know one thing, Kotarou, the fact that you can't die is _not_ convenient in _any_ way _what-so-ever._" Sasuke said, looking at Kotarou then rolling his eyes.

"What do you mean by that?" Kotarou asked, offended.

"I meant that I wanted you to die. Didn't you understand that?" Sasuke asked Kotarou.

"NO! DON'T LET HIM DIE!" Ten-chan exclaimed, running over and hugging Kotarou. "HE'S TOO ADORABLE!"

"What the hell do you mean? He's butt ugly!" Sasuke said.

"Sasuke is _way_ hotter than that piece of junk." Naruto said, roughly kissing Sasuke.

"Guys, two things. One; Naruto, Sasuke, stop making out, and two; stop being so mean to Kotarou, guys." Youske said.

"What, would you rather us be mean to _you?" _Max asked Youske.

"And make out with you? 'Cuz I'm never going to do that even if I was paid as much as your mom's electricity bill was when God said let there be light." Sasuke said.

"See? We'll be mean to you if we can't be mean to Kotarou." Max said.

"Max, shut up." Youske said.

"But I wasn't talking!" Izak whined.

"Not you, Izak!"

"But I was the one who was talking!" Max said, waving his arms in the air.

"You know what… Max, since you're so annoying… go die in a camp fire." Youske said to Max.

"Okay." Izak said, hanging his head and walking into the corner of the small hotel room. He put wood into a pile, taking matches out of his pants and trying to light them. "I CAN'T GET THE FIREPROOF FIRELOGS TO LIGHT!" Izak yelled to Youske. Youske sighed.

"What did I miss?" Youske asked.

"Weren't you there? Ivan switched their names around." Sasuke said, shrugging.

"…right…" Youske sighed.

"Hey, let's go get lunch!" Max exclaimed.

"Okay!" Most of them replied.

"I hope the food is edible this time, and doesn't think that _we're _edible…" Youske mumbled as his reply.

* * *

**A/N: **Six pages, BEEEOTTTTCCCHHHHH! WOOH! I'M FEELING PRETTY GOOD! Besides the fact that we were painting the set for the one act play we're performing and that I breathed in _**way too much **_paint fumes. Other than that, everything is just _**peachy!**_

_**If you want a good laugh, read the next part. These are jokes I tell people at school all the time:**_

**There are no wounded in war; only those that have met Chuck Norris.**

**Chuck Norris doesn't sleep; he waits.**

**Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because he's afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of him.**

**Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land.**

**Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.**

**Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn; he dares his grass to go.**

**MacGyver can make a bomb out of some paper clips a hammer and gum. Chuck Norris can make a bomb out of MacGyver.**

**Your momma's so fat, even Naruto doesn't believe it!**

**Your momma's so fat that she ate a school bus thinking it was a Twinkie.**

**Your momma's so fat that when she stepped on the scale she said, "Ooh! My phone number!"**

**Your momma's so old that when god said "Let there be light" her electricity bill was over due.**

**There was an article in the paper the other day; BLONDE STARVES TO DEATH IN GROCERY STORE.**

**Why did the Blonde climb the glass fence? To see what was on the other side.**

**A blonde walked into a barber's shop, asking for a haircut. She instructed the barber, "Give me a hair cut, but don't touch the head phones." The barber did as she was instructed. A few weeks later, the blonde came in again, instructing the barber the exact same thing, the barber, again, doing as she was told. The blonde came in after another few weeks had gone by, and told the barber the same thing, only this time the barber lifted a headphone away from the blonde's ear. The blonde dropped onto the ground dead. The barber lifted the headphone to her ear and was terrified to hear a robotic, monotone voice instructing; "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out."**

**A blonde girl, a brunet girl, and a red headed girl rob a bank. Someone calls the police, so the girls run to a nearby farm to hide. The red head hides behind a pig; the brunet hides behind a cow; the blonde, finding no other hiding place, hides behind some potatoes. The police come in, searching for the girls. They shine their flashlight on the pig; the red head says, "Oink, oink." The police then shine their flashlight on the cow; the brunet says, "Moo, moo." The policemen shine their flashlight on the potatoes; the blonde says, "POTATOE, POTATOE, POTATOE!"**

**A blonde worked on a ranch. She had two horses and could never tell them apart, so she asked her neighbor for advice. Her neighbor said; "Clip one of their ears." The blonde did so, but her other horse got its ear caught in a tree and it had to be clipped. The blonde, again, went to her neighbor for advice. "Clip a bit of their tail off." The blonde did so, but the other horse's tail got caught in a fence and to, had to be clipped. The blonde, yet again, went to her neighbor to ask for advice. "Measure them." The blonde did so, and was pleased to see that the white horse was 3cm taller than the black horse.**

**A blonde, being tired of blonde jokes, dyed her hair black and bought a new Ferrari. She took the Ferrari out for a drive and stopped at a farm where the farmer had his sheep out. The blonde exited her car, walking over to the farmer, she asked, "Hey, sir. How are you?" "Very good." The farmer replied. "Are these your sheep?" The blonde asked, gesturing towards the field. "Why, yes they are." The farmer replied, smiling. "Let's say… if I can guess the number of sheep in your field, I get a sheep. Deal?" The blonde asked. "Okay, guess." The farmer said. The blonde looked at the field for a few seconds, looked at the farmer and said, "286." "Right on the spot, go pick your sheep." The farmer said. The blonde picked her sheep and took it to her car. The farmer came up to her and said, "Okay, now. Let's say that if I can guess your natural hair color, I can get my dog back."**

**How do a blonde's brain cells die? Alone.**

**Two brunets were jumping up and down on a train track, shouting "41, 41, 41!" A blonde came over and joined the two brunets. A train came, and the brunets got off of the tracks. The blonde was run over by the train. The brunets got back on the track, jumping up and down shouting, "42, 42, 42!"**

**A blonde, a red head, and a brunet were on a game show. The host would tell 100 jokes and the last person to laugh would win a million dollars. So, on the 25****th**** joke, the red head laughed and got out. By the 66****th**** joke the brunet laughed and was out. The host was about to tell the last and final joke when the blonde started laughing. "Why are you laughing? I didn't even tell the joke yet." The host said to the blonde. "I just got the first one."**

**How do you make a blonde laugh on Wednesday? You tell her a joke on Monday.**

**This is actually a true story. A girl drove past the Canada/America border and was stopped by a Canadian border watch. "Ma'am, I going to have to give you a ticket for speeding." The girl, not wanting to be in possession of a ticket, wanted to get out of it in a cute way, so she said, "A ticket to what? A ball?" The officer replied, "I'm sorry ma'am, but we have no balls here in Canada." The officer looked down and started to write the ticket, then looked up at her and said, "Uh… never mind." And he walked off. The girl didn't get a ticket.**

**Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.**

**Silence before laughter means that someone is slow.**

**You can never spell 'manslaughter' without 'laughter'.**

_**REVIEW!**_


	4. So Long, Fair Well Finale

**NO NAME HIGH: Chapter 3**

**Summary:** A crazy school. Crazy kids. Windowless, polka dot when raining, stripped when cold, and tan when sunny. A super-crazy school. This is their story. Welcome to 528,710. **NaruSasu**

**Warnings:** Yaoi (BoyxBoy), OOC-ness, cussing, sexual behavior/hints, crazy people, insanity, radioactive cats, trees (And lots of them!), probably abuse, second personalities, telekinesis, telepathy, my mind XP, name switches, and a crazy school. There will probably be mentions of people having sex (Actually, that should be in there. Definitely.) You may commit suicide after all of the mental insanity and abuse. If this causes death, you may want to contact your doctor because this story might not be right for you. A world without weird people is like vanilla ice cream without sprinkles. All it is is this boring yellow-ish blob that melts all over your hands, then when you shake other people's hands they get all sticky and soon enough everyone's hands are sticky and then they'll be climbing all over the walls. So, unless you want to have a world of webs and Spidermans everywhere then you should embrace your weirdness, oh, I hate spiders!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Pita-Ten, Naruto, any of their characters, or the characters Water, Ivan, Izak, or Mia.

**A/N: **Oh mah God it has been FOR-EVAH! So, I'm finally deciding to write another chapter of this and finish it off here. This is going to be the last chapter because I'm just that mean and I don't feel like writing any more of this and that I have WAY to many Fanfiction in progress for me to handle. So, DEAL WITH IT.

**So Long, Fair Well ~Final~**

* * *

"WAAAAAH! GET IT OFF ME!" Max exclaimed as he ran around the room with a failing attempt at trying to get the vicious slug llama off of his arm.

"I told you it would try to eat you again!" Sasuke yelled over to the red headed retard.

"Don't judge him; if I recall correctly, a certain someone almost got ra-"

"Yeah, yeah, don't remind me." Sasuke cut Ivan off, blushing at the painful memory, glad that the memory was a pain and _not_ his ass. Then again, said ass _did_ hurt because a certain BLONDE BOYFRIEND of Sasuke's was none to gentle.

"Mah, he'll always try to remind you." Max said.

"Um… You were getting eaten by the slug llama currently devouring your ass?" Sasuke asked, gesturing towards said slug llama.

"Oh, yeah." Max said, suddenly remembering. "OH MY GOD I CAN'T FEEL MY ASS! WELL, YES I CAN BUT IT FUCKING HURTS!" Max yelled, running around. "I WONDER IF I CAN CONNECT TO SASUKE NOW!"

"Different kind of pain, Max, different kind of pain." Sasuke said, pointing his fork at the running Max with the flailing arms.

"Roses are thorny, green grapes are sour, open up your legs and give me an hour." Naruto said to Sasuke.

"Shut up, dobe."

"Mah, it's been so long since you called me that." Naruto said, mock hurt.

"I remember it coming out of his mouth, but more as a _scream._" Izak said, wagging his eyebrows and grinning.

"Desperate screams." Naruto agreed, nodding.

"I'm not _that_ loud…" Sasuke said, looking to the side and blushing more feverishly.

All the boys at the table (Yes, this includes Mia, and excludes Ivan, because Ivan doesn't do that.) looked at the raven haired boy, all had the right eyebrow raised, looking at Sasuke in disbelief.

"You all have the same face on and it's really creeping me out…" Sasuke said, half whining.

At the thought of disturbing Sasuke, even if only _slightly,_ the girls joined in too (As in Koboshi and Ten-chan), everyone at the table leaning in claustrophobically close to Sasuke, practically choking him to death.

"OKAY, FINE, I'M LOUD!" Sasuke caved in, blushing as red as his favourite food (Which is Tomatoes. And onigiri. Just FYI.).

"You're sensitive." Naruto said as they retreated back to their original positions.

"No, I'm not." Sasuke denied the thought of him being sensitive, thought it _was_ true and was _pretty _**damn **_**obvious.**_

"Oh, really now?" Naruto asked, smirking suggestively. Sasuke blushed.

He knew what _that_ smile meant…

The two left the cafeteria, Naruto bringing Sasuke to their room (Perv~). Ivan sighed.

"You all have no hope, do you?" Ivan asked the table of idiots. Well, besides Boris.

"Oh, Boris, I forgot all about you." The victor of the slug llama wrestling match enthused.

"And what made you remember?" Youske asked, not realizing that he had just answered to the name 'Boris', the name that which he's been trying so desperately to shake off.

"The narrator mentioned you." Max said, pointing up to the ceiling.

"You mean god?" Youske asked, questioning whether or not Max was intelligent (I'm so intelligent that I can't spell intelligent without autocorrect… X3) enough to have his own religion. Then again, there was retardism… Youske himself had no religion in particular that he believed in. He thought it all bull shit. (No, I don't. I have a religion.)

"No, I mean the mini Edgar Evans Allen Karr fairy!" Max exclaimed, the said mini fairy floating down towards the table.

"What the hell is _that_?" Youske asked.

"It's the author, don't mind her." Ivan said, swatting at the mini fairy to go away. She poofs away with sparkly rainbow dust, her words linger in the air.

"'Till we meet again…"

…

…

…

"God, she's freaky." Ivan said, shuddering.

"I know, right?" Max asked.

"IKR?" Izak asked.

"Shut up, UURISM's." Ivan said, shutting up the UURISM's.

Max, Izak, Ten-chan, and raccoon (It'll be more in the other No Name stories, it's just Ivan's perverted raccoon that uploads everything to YouTube and has a strange obsession with castrating men. It even castrated itself, which is why it's an it. Its gender COMPLETELY changed him into an it when he was castrated.) held a meeting underneath the lunch table.

"Hey, how about we see what they're up to?" Izak whispered to the other UURISM's, not mentioning who 'they' were, but they all knew who 'they' were.

"Sounds like fun!" Ten-chan whisper exclaimed.

"Raccoon, got the camera?" Max whispered to raccoon. Raccoon pulled a camera out of its tail.

"Good it." Izak said, patting raccoon's head.

"Let's go!" Max said, signaling them to come out from under the table (A task which proved to be much harder than anticipating by the poor retards, taking up about 10 minutes of their time) and making the LONG and **EPIC **journey up the stairs.

* * *

"Come on! We can make it!" Izak exclaimed, pulling Ten-chan up the stairs.

"Yeah! Leave no man behind!" Max exclaimed, kicking Ten-chan up that flight of stairs.

"Ow…" Ten-chan said, rubbing his head where the bump began to form.

"AGH! IT GOT ME!" Max exclaimed the head of a slug llama bit his leg, pulling him down the stairs. Max clawed desperately at the wooden stairs, getting splinters in his hand from his measly attempt at getting away from the wretched cafeteria food.

"NO! MAX!" Ten-chan exclaimed, outstretching a hand towards him, still three steps separating both outstretched hands to grasp each other.

"AGH!" Max exclaimed as the slug llama head attached to its body, giving it 10 times more gay love power.

"Max!" Izak exclaimed stupidly, but it was evident what was to become of their dear friend.

"It's… okay… go on… without me." Max said wearily, beginning to give up the struggle for his life.

"What happened to no man gets left behind?" Ten-chan asked, both his and Izak's eyes full of tears.

"Just… go." Max said.

"No! We'll never leave you behind!" Izak said, all men crying.

"Don't worry, Izak. You'll do good on your own."

"What about me?" Ten-chan asked defensively.

"I've… always… had faith in you." Max said to Izak, his final words before he gave up the struggle and was dragged off to his inevitable death.

"NO!"

* * *

"Hm, wonder what the idiots are up to." Ivan asked, eating the only thing edible in the cafeteria; his home made lunch.

"Dunno." Youske said, shrugging.

"I wasn't asking you." Ivan said, glaring at Youske.

"Well, then, who were you asking?"

"Anyone other than you."

"There's no one else here." Youske said, gesturing with a sweep of his arm that, yes, there was no one there besides Ivan and himself.

"Where'd they all go?"

"Got eaten by slug llamas." Youske said, shrugging.

"Even Naruto and Sasuke?"

"No, no. They're in the room." Youske said, shrugging. He considered it for a little bit then shuddered.

"I have a feeling…" Ivan trailed off.

"What?"

"That we made Edgar Allen angry. And we _all know_ what happens when she gets angry." Ivan said.

"Oh… she kills us all off." Youske said.

"I'm surprised, usually when she goes on these author rampages, she kills the random OC off first."

"Oh, I feel sorry for the random OC in this fanfic." Youske said.

"That would be you."

"What?" Youske shouted, jumping up with his exclamation.

"Sorry, but it's true. It's already been decided; you're not going to appear in any more Fanfiction. You're one of those 'you're in one you're out the next' kinda deals." Ivan said, shrugging.

"No way!" Youske said, hurt.

"Yes, way. She's the author, she can do whatever suits her fancy." -Youske gave Ivan a weird look- "All we can do is sit back and wait."

* * *

"Finally." Ten-chan said, panting.

"I know, right? At least we didn't take the elevator." Izak said. "I mean, then Max wouldn't have died."

"Yeah." Ten-chan said.

They neared the door and heard a rather… _interesting _sound.

"We're here!" Izak said in a sing-song voice.

"So… who's going to open it?" Ten-chan asked shakily.

"Why, me, of course." Izak said, smashing down the door with Ten-chan's head.

"Ow..." Ten-chan groaned, rubbing his head.

"Wha-what the HELL… are you guys doing here?" Naruto asked, being careful to make sure his voice was level.

"We wanted to see what you two were up to." Izak said cheerily.

"Psst… Izak… I wouldn't want to rain on your parade, but he's going to kill us." Ten-chan oh-so-nicely put it to Izak.

"You two better get the FUCK out NOW." Naruto said.

"…why?" Izak asked as Ten-chan slowly inched into the closet.

"Because if you don't your spine is going to be snapped into a billion tiny pieces." Naruto, glaring.

"And you two will go onto YouTube." Izak said, smiling.

"…what are you talking-"

"WOULD YOU TWO STOP THE DAMN TALKING?" Sasuke yelled at them.

"Ooh, yeah, you don't want to get _him _mad." Ten-chan said.

"You, shut up too." Sasuke said.

"Sasuke, why so mad?"

"Naruto, look at our current situation. Then realize you should ask me all the reasons why I _shouldn't _ be mad." Sasuke said, pointing at the blanket currently on top of them.

"…oh, hehe, sorry." Naruto said, rubbing the back of his head.

"You'd better be sorry." Sasuke said, giving Naruto a soft peck on the lips and adding with a smile, "Now get off me and get dressed before I castrate you."

* * *

"…do you think we should check on them?" Youske asked Ivan.

"My senses tell me no." Ivan said.

"Oh."

…

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

"And now they say okay." Ivan said, getting up from the table and heading for the stairs.

"…okay…" Youske said, hesitantly getting up and following the blond.

"Raccoon, I swear, if you eat ONE MORE pair of my underwear I WILL…" Sasuke said, then paused. "I was going to say castrate you, but you've successfully done that, so I'll take your castrating scissors away." Sasuke said triumphantly. Raccoon dropped the delectable underwear and slowly walked away from them, hissing at Sasuke. Sasuke sighed.

"This has been one hectic trip." Sasuke said.

"When is it not?" Naruto asked.

"Yeah, it's kind of as frequent as… I'll leave the rest to your imagination." Sasuke said with a smile.

Naruto shrugged. "Fine by me."

When the door opened, they all turned toward it.

"…why is everybody looking at me?" Youske asked.

"Well, where's everyone else?" Sasuke asked.

"You're oblivious. They've been eaten. How could you have missed that?" Youske asked, then took in Sasuke's and Naruto's messed up hair and hastily put on clothes. "…never mind."

"So, what have you all been up to?" Ivan asked.

"Well, we were-" A tree fell on Izak, cutting him off.

"I didn't ask you." Ivan said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Well, you…" Youske started, but trailed off when he saw all the glares sent his way.

"So, how are you all?" Sasuke asked, clapping his hands together.

"We're fine." Youske said, shrugging.

"And now we're not." Ivan said as the ground began to rumble.

"What the hell?" Sasuke asked, looking at his feet.

"Earthquake?" Naruto asked.

"Yup." Ivan said, a bored expression on his face as he initiated a force field around himself.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Ten-chan asked.

Soon, things were falling off of the shelves and the dressers, as dust began to fall from the ceiling. The people in the room could see that the ceiling was not going to hold, and that meant that one of them was going to be seriously injured. The ceiling began to give way, a big chunk falling on Ten-chan's head, as much more fell on him, crushing his ribs and lungs and successfully killing him on the spot. Youske moved under the nightstand next to the bed for cover as everyone standing, besides Ivan, fell over.

The earthquake did not cease as the ceiling broke completely, pelting them in dust and heavy ceiling tiles, the stuff just sliding off of Ivan's force field.

"Aah!" Sasuke screamed as ceiling fell on him.

"S-Sasuke!" Naruto exclaimed, reaching for Sasuke, grabbing Sasuke's hand and holding onto him for dear life.

The earth quaked on for another five seconds.

* * *

The ground stopped shaking, the earthquake finally over.

"uugh…" Youske groaned as he got out from under the table. "G-guys?"

"Hm… I don't see them." Ivan said, using his telekinesis to raise the tree off of where Izak was, Izak nowhere to be found.

Youske went over to where Ten-chan was, digging up his dead body.

"Ooh… yeah. He's dead." Youske said.

"You never can tell if he's dead." Ivan said, glancing over at Ten-chan.

"Ugh.. ag…." Naruto groaned as he dug himself out of the debris with his free hand. "S-Sasuke?" Naruto asked as he began digging Sasuke up. "Sasuke?"

"Is he alright?" Youske asked.

"O-of course he is…" Naruto said shakily. Youske could tell that Naruto was thinking otherwise.

"Hm." Ivan said, releasing his force field.

"S-Sasuke? Oh god, Sasuke, if you can hear me say anything. Make a noise, just do _something._" Naruto said, tears stinging at the back of his eyes.

"N-Nahrro?" Was the groggy, muffled reply.

"Oh my god, Sasuke." Naruto said.

"Here." Youske said, helping Naruto dig Sasuke out.

"If huhhrfs…"

"What?" Naruto asked, eyes widening.

"If huuhrrts…."

"It hurts?" Naruto asked.

"Yyehhff…"

"Oh god… Sasuke, we'll have you out soon." Naruto reassured Sasuke, slightly squeezing his hand.

After about two minutes they dug him out.

And Naruto couldn't do anything but cry.

"Oh m-my god…." Naruto turned his head away, not wanting to see it.

"Oh my god." Youske breathed out, his eyes widening.

Sasuke was… well… impaled on a metal rod that was in the ceiling, the rod going right through his chest. And Naruto couldn't even look.

"It hurts…" Sasuke said, tears in his eyes.

"I bet it does." Naruto said, squeezing Sasuke's hand, looking at Sasuke's face, making sure to avoid looking at his chest.

"Should I call someone?" Youske asked.

"No use. He's dead." Ivan said blandly.

"Don't say that." Naruto said.

"Why not? It's true." Ivan said.

"DON'T SAY THAT!" Naruto yelled at him.

"Naruto…" Sasuke asked.

"W-what… Sasuke?" Naruto asked.

"Can… can you kiss me?" Sasuke asked, tears streaming down his face.

"Of... of course." Naruto breathed out, kissing Sasuke gently.

"I… I love you…" Sasuke breathed out.

"And I… I love you too… more than you'll ever know." Naruto said softly.

"…... ... ...I can't agree on that." Youske said.

And Sasuke closed his eyes, a small smile on his face.

"N-no… no… oh god, please, no…" Naruto said, hanging his head.

"Oh, well. What a shame." Ivan said, looking at Sasuke.

"How could you say that?" Youske asked. "I mean, he's our friend! And he just died!"

"Put some toast in it." Ivan said, a toaster making contact with Youske's head and successfully killing Youske. "And he's not my friend." Ivan said, nudging Youske's dead body with his shoe, his lip curling upward in a face of disgust.

"W-would you mind killing me?" Naruto asked, looking at Ivan.

"No, I wouldn't. Actually, it would be my pleasure." Ivan said, a monkey appearing out of nowhere and strangling him.

"There, that's the lot of them." Ivan said, walking away from the scene.

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I can never kill anyone off _forever…_

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"Dude, have you ever seen Beyblade?" Ten-chan asked.

"No, I haven't." Youske said.

"Oh, _that _retarded show?" Sasuke asked.

"I take it you've seen it." Naruto said, wrapping his arm around Sasuke's shoulders.

"Yeah, and I'm not fucking proud of it." Sasuke said, crossing his arms.

"That's the one with the kangaroo, right?"

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"No, Max, it isn't." Kotarou said.

"I agree with Max. It is the one with the kangaroo." Koboshi said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Raccoon growled.

"Well, did you ever notice that the louder you yell the more damage you do on that show?" Ten-chan asked.

"Hm… interesting…" Sasuke said.

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"Damn, I thought I got rid of you all." Ivan said, crossing his arms and glaring at the group.

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**A/N: **And that would be the end. Yay! Fun!

…Don't kill me?

…I'm sorry, Sasuke…

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~Fin

_~Sasuke Uzumaki 83_


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